You Know You're in Saudi When...
The difference between men and women is literally black and white
You need to ask the same question in about seven different ways to get the answer you're looking for
(Recent conversation)
"Do you have any al jawal 100 riall phone cards?" ..."no we have no phone cards for you"
"Do you have any al jawal phone cards?"...."no, we have no phone cards..."
"Do you have any phone cards at all?" ....."Yes, we do, would you like a 50 riall phone card you can use with that al jawal phone?...How many do you want?"
"AHHHHH"
You can buy a burberry abaya (yes, there is the burberry tartan down the front)
You find heterosexual very sexually starved single men working in raunchy underwear shops
For that matter...you can't find cotton underwear or underwear without red lace or leopard print
The driver in the middle lane is liable to make either a left or right turn cutting in front of you at 120kmphr and you have to get out of their way.
The American consulate hires Gurkas instead of their own soldiers to defend itself
You meet the most fundamental evangelicals America has to offer...in the most holy country for Islam
You can randomly find the guy who made up your Saudi ID (Iqama) has inserted a new middle name (Muhammad in this case) for you. Which usually means you get through road checks etc. without a problem.
People pull over on the sides of five lane highways for picnics
Ambulances have to drive up the median strip half into oncomming traffic because everyone is driving in the emergency lane
Police officers drive everywhere with their lights flashing...to show they're there
All the young guys wear long emo lookin hair, thobes and baseball caps (and cons)
You're much more worried about car crashes than terrorism
People get convicted for Pork smuggling (yes, it is a crime and yes, the conviction can be pretty harsh)
You get to see the most culturally fascinating misunderstandings usually involving a westerner smiling and giving a Saudi "Thumbs Up" which here is much much worse than the "Finger"
You walk into a store and the sales people look like selling you something would be so hard that they can't be bothered.
You can buy a 20000 riall (8000 AUD) abaya encrusted with diamonds in a normal shopping centre...for that matter you can get a haut couture dress designed in a shopping centre
You can read a newspaper interview with an ex al quaeda member that reads like "What I did on My Holidays as a Terrorist" which ends happily with him getting a pardon during an amnesty, marrying a second wife and living hapily ever after as a honey seller while catching up with his ol war buddys from Afghanistan...yippee (read the Gulf news one day...its called the 'green truth' by some more cynical people)
You think that 30 riall for a meal (10 AUD) is a ripoff.
You wake up every morning and check the currency exchange rate
You talk to rig guys working on the rig closest to Iran who seem a bit..."twitchy" after reading about recent American/Iranian relations.
You see an eastern expat slum where the guys get less than one hundred US a month next to a Saudi mansion where the guys there probably earn a good few million a year...and you get used to it.
You're surrounded by at least 5 mosques at all times.
Everything stops five times a day for prayer
you get pretty blaze about that H2S leak you can smell down the road...well...you can still smell it can't you?...the minute you can't you're dead...(No one visits Qatif that much because the wind blows that way)
You realize that teenage boys are cheeky bastards no matter where they are
The main sites that flash up when you use Saudi Internet Providers are matchmaking and dating sites
Guys aren't seen as even slightly 'suspect' when they hold hands which means those very pretty metro lookin guys in the shops who are very very beautifully groomed get away with it.
Almost every local smells beautiful both ladies and guys...the perfumeries here are amazing
Men get a barber shave every morning
People use malls for socialization rather than to shop.
You panic when you havent seen a shop selling gold and gilt furnature for five minutes...
Your realize that as an athiest you're completely in a minority what with the Muslims, the Christians and the Mormons
A guy named Israel Bratworst applies for a job with ARAMCO and doesn't get it (Seriously not joking)
You really start listening to people's names to work out their religious orientation (very important around ramadan)
to be continued,,,,
You need to ask the same question in about seven different ways to get the answer you're looking for
(Recent conversation)
"Do you have any al jawal 100 riall phone cards?" ..."no we have no phone cards for you"
"Do you have any al jawal phone cards?"...."no, we have no phone cards..."
"Do you have any phone cards at all?" ....."Yes, we do, would you like a 50 riall phone card you can use with that al jawal phone?...How many do you want?"
"AHHHHH"
You can buy a burberry abaya (yes, there is the burberry tartan down the front)
You find heterosexual very sexually starved single men working in raunchy underwear shops
For that matter...you can't find cotton underwear or underwear without red lace or leopard print
The driver in the middle lane is liable to make either a left or right turn cutting in front of you at 120kmphr and you have to get out of their way.
The American consulate hires Gurkas instead of their own soldiers to defend itself
You meet the most fundamental evangelicals America has to offer...in the most holy country for Islam
You can randomly find the guy who made up your Saudi ID (Iqama) has inserted a new middle name (Muhammad in this case) for you. Which usually means you get through road checks etc. without a problem.
People pull over on the sides of five lane highways for picnics
Ambulances have to drive up the median strip half into oncomming traffic because everyone is driving in the emergency lane
Police officers drive everywhere with their lights flashing...to show they're there
All the young guys wear long emo lookin hair, thobes and baseball caps (and cons)
You're much more worried about car crashes than terrorism
People get convicted for Pork smuggling (yes, it is a crime and yes, the conviction can be pretty harsh)
You get to see the most culturally fascinating misunderstandings usually involving a westerner smiling and giving a Saudi "Thumbs Up" which here is much much worse than the "Finger"
You walk into a store and the sales people look like selling you something would be so hard that they can't be bothered.
You can buy a 20000 riall (8000 AUD) abaya encrusted with diamonds in a normal shopping centre...for that matter you can get a haut couture dress designed in a shopping centre
You can read a newspaper interview with an ex al quaeda member that reads like "What I did on My Holidays as a Terrorist" which ends happily with him getting a pardon during an amnesty, marrying a second wife and living hapily ever after as a honey seller while catching up with his ol war buddys from Afghanistan...yippee (read the Gulf news one day...its called the 'green truth' by some more cynical people)
You think that 30 riall for a meal (10 AUD) is a ripoff.
You wake up every morning and check the currency exchange rate
You talk to rig guys working on the rig closest to Iran who seem a bit..."twitchy" after reading about recent American/Iranian relations.
You see an eastern expat slum where the guys get less than one hundred US a month next to a Saudi mansion where the guys there probably earn a good few million a year...and you get used to it.
You're surrounded by at least 5 mosques at all times.
Everything stops five times a day for prayer
you get pretty blaze about that H2S leak you can smell down the road...well...you can still smell it can't you?...the minute you can't you're dead...(No one visits Qatif that much because the wind blows that way)
You realize that teenage boys are cheeky bastards no matter where they are
The main sites that flash up when you use Saudi Internet Providers are matchmaking and dating sites
Guys aren't seen as even slightly 'suspect' when they hold hands which means those very pretty metro lookin guys in the shops who are very very beautifully groomed get away with it.
Almost every local smells beautiful both ladies and guys...the perfumeries here are amazing
Men get a barber shave every morning
People use malls for socialization rather than to shop.
You panic when you havent seen a shop selling gold and gilt furnature for five minutes...
Your realize that as an athiest you're completely in a minority what with the Muslims, the Christians and the Mormons
A guy named Israel Bratworst applies for a job with ARAMCO and doesn't get it (Seriously not joking)
You really start listening to people's names to work out their religious orientation (very important around ramadan)
to be continued,,,,
posted by George at
9:36 pm
2 Comments:
A very comprehensive list. You should submit it to Lonely Planet for their (yet to be published) series on Saudi... you know just in case a tourist thinks hes actually in Dubai.
Brilliant litany of observations - I second Anja's suggestion. Keep 'em coming, there's a "White Teeth" book in there.
Tina
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home